The New Testament, Perry Version

Michelle Bachmann, move over.

Competition may not be coming to private health insurance companies, but it has come to Michelle Bachmann.

The Minnesota congresswoman, famed for her repeated, ludicrous remarks, may have met her match in Texas Governor Rick Perry.

Perry appeared before a builders group in Dallas on December 16 and was asked (video below) of Al Gore's environmental activism: "Did you get religion? Did he get religion? What happened since then?" To approving laughter and applause, he responded

I certainly got religion. I think he's gone to hell.

The remark led MSNBC's Ed Schultz to note (video way below) "Using religion to take down Democrts just doesn't seem very Christ-like to me. In fact, it is in violation of the spirit of Christmas."

Truly, it doesn't sound like the fellow who on the Mount of Olives explained "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." But it may in fact be in the spirit of Christmas which, these days, is saturated with commercialism. And such remarks may qualify Perry, if he loses his bid for re-nomination against Kay Bailey Hutchison, to work on the Conservative Bible Project.

Consider the possibilities. Here are a few of the best-known quotes of Jesus Christ (all from English Standard Version), followed by the re-interpretation Governor Perry might give them:



Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes has eternal life. (John 6:47)

Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever denies climate change has eternal life.
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And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, so must the Son of Man be lifted up, that whoever believes in him may have eternal life. (John 3:13)

And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, so must Rush Limbaugh be lifted up, that whomever believes in tax cuts may have eternal life.
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Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. (John 5:24)

Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever hears the NRA’s word and believes it has eternal life.
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For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. (John 3:16)

For God so loved the GOP that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in Ronald Reagan should not perish but have eternal life.


And in a less sarcastic vein: why would Rick Perry believe that one who believes in the reality of climate change necessarily go to hell? or that one who works in that field would necessarily go to hell? or who does anything Rick Perry doesn't like necessarily go to hell? or that Rick Perry would supplant his judgement of who is going to hell for that of the God he claims to believe in?